Hostile negotiations and telling the whole story: Family law today

Hostility and family law matters are in the legal press at present. There are two recent   items of particular interest, from opposite ends of the spectrum.

One is a survey examining the experiences of 1,000 divorcees. High numbers wished that they had found a more amicable way to separate and regretted not using mediation.

From working over the last 25 years as a divorce lawyer, as well as a family mediator, I find that most people want matters as amicable as possible.  However, divorce occurs when there are differences so significant that spouses cannot continue living together, usually accompanied by very strong emotions, which makes reaching agreements is challenging.  It is helpful therefore to be aware of the full range of negotiation styles and options available.

Some couples are able to negotiate arrangements directly between themselves needing little external involvement. More commonly used alternatives are professional mediation services to facilitate discussion and conversation, and lawyers to negotiate. Whichever means you use to negotiate, aim to avoid hostile communications, and do not try to raise complicated delicate matters by truncated means such as texts or What’s App. The scope for misunderstandings is high, and this generates more disputes.

It is not always possible to reach agreements though, with the best will in the world. Turning to the court is not necessarily a hostile step. It might need a judge to decide what a fair outcome is, or you might need the power of the Court to offer protection in situations such as domestic abuse, or where one party is more knowledgeable, secretive or powerful than the other regarding finances.

At the other end of the spectrum is a case concerning arrangements for children. A recent judgment allowed the mother to add additional serious allegations to her case at a later stage. The Court’s attitude has changed recently, and they are more inclined to allow parents to use numerous examples of relevant bad behaviour to show the actions identify a course of behaviour, and are not a one-off. This is relevant as it suggests behaviour that is likely to be repeated.  The moral of this story is that if you have powerful relevant things to say in relation to the other parent’s wish to have contact with the children, they need to be said clearly and early on. 

This can be a difficult judgment call: should you hold back to avoid being seen as hostile or do you state what your concerns are from the start? It is worth getting legal advice early on so that you can think about these things, including deciding on the best form of negotiation to use.                                          

If you have any questions or queries about this article or any of my other articles  on our website www.hmbsolicitors.co.uk please feel free to email me on [email protected]

 

 

Sarah Beskine

Specialist Family Lawyer and Mediator