How to reduce unnecessary anxiety
Seems I meet a lot of people who are getting more and more stressed out when much of that stress is actually unnecessary and unhelpful.
That’s usually because they are worrying about things they can do little or nothing about, or they are chasing meaningless goals. Let’s look at those one at a time.
Unless you are a Government minister, an epidemiologist, scientist, medic, statistician or Chancellor of the Exchequer, you might believe there’s nothing you can do to help us all get through the pandemic, but there are things you can do to play your part – wear a mask, socially distance, get double jabbed, sanitise, avoid crowds in and out of doors, proceed with caution etc. But as long as you choose to focus only on the negative you render yourself powerless.
Here’s a classic example from real life. Today, without warning, Virgin Media in their infinite wisdom have decided to do “essential maintenance,” meaning I have no internet connection. Because of that I was unable to do a Zoom session with a client, and neither was I able to do some urgent research I wanted to do on the internet. Very annoying and potentially stress inducing. So what to do?
After establishing there was nothing for me to fix at my end I asked myself, what could I usefully do so I don’t waste a precious day? Immediately the answer came – write and edit this article! That only requires word processing and brain power, and when the internet comes back tonight I’ll be able to send it to Becky (editor of this magazine) by email and meet the deadline. Excellent plan!
Moreover, when I have finished doing that I’ll move into my workshop where I have a carpentry project underway, and get on with that.
In other words I refuse to let my life be dictated by the vicissitudes of the internet which is often unreliable and probably designed as an instrument of torture for those who come to rely on it.
Now for meaningless goals. These are goals you decide to chase because they “seem like a good idea” – usually someone else’s good idea – or because they might provide an easy solution, or because they might fulfil someone else’s expectation of what you “should” do.
But when a goal comes from your heart, when it’s driven by your passion and enthusiasm, when it means everything to you, then that goal is meaningful, and only you and you alone will know when that is the case.
The word “should” should never enter the equation when deciding upon a goal, in fact perhaps the word “should” should be banned from the English language, because a goal that is absolutely right for you is the only goal that is meaningful
Sadly many people try to achieve something they are not really cut out for because someone – your parents, your teachers, your guru – thinks it would be sensible, whereas there is always something for which you have a natural talent and ability, and once you’ve discovered what that is and start to develop it you will realise it’s what you can excel at. And that excellence, once you have mastered whatever it might be, will bring meaning and purpose to your life. “Sensible” doesn’t necessarily come into it.
Otherwise, unnecessary anxiety is virtually guaranteed. Hence my mantra, “do what you love, love what you do.”