Nesting: where do children live during and after divorce?
Where do the children live when parents split up? Traditionally, the children share their time between two homes, staying with each parent in turn, at times agreed.
An alternative idea, known as ‘nesting’, is that the children remain in the former family home and it is the parents who alternate homes. The adults move between two homes, not the children. There has been a recent trend for some couples to use this method to parent their children after separation. The Law Society have highlighted that this concept has become more common due to the economic crisis we are experiencing. Many divorcing couples are unable to secure two different mortgages to rehouse themselves and the children. Therefore, keeping the family home is an option, with one rented accommodation. The parents alternate the rented accommodation, staying in it when they are not living with the children in the former family home.
Advocates of this approach feel that it gives the children a good opportunity to navigate the upset of their parents’ relationship breaking down, because it allows the children to remain in the familiar family home. Additionally, it gives the parents more economic stability, especially if they cannot afford to purchase two homes.
There are less positive views of the ‘nesting’ approach. Whilst physically the children remain in the former family home, that home is of course radically changed, as their parents no longer live in it together. It might be confusing for the children. They still have to navigate when they see which parent. It might not shield them, and it might be painful to remain in the former shared home, highlighting that their parents are no longer together and they are not the same family unit.
Nesting does work for some families but generally, it is not viewed as a long-term option. It is more of a short or medium term solution to help separating couples stabilize their finances over a period of time till they sell the matrimonial home to buy or buy/rent separate properties. It also can be used as an alternative to selling for a specific period, for example whilst the children are taking important exams.
Divorcing couples who might wish to explore this kind of approach would need to get on well and have the resources to keep two homes running. Clear arrangements would need to be agreed, recorded and adhered to. You should take legal advice to consider all the implications for the short and long term, both regarding the splitting of the finances and also arrangements for the children. Some parents have been nesting for many years and it has worked well for them. However, there are parents who have found it hard to have two homes on an alternating arrangement.
If you have any questions or queries about this article or any of my other articles all of which are on our website www.hmbsolicitors.co.uk., please feel free to email us on [email protected]
Christina Theodorou
Specialist Family Lawyer