Getting to the point!!

Getting to the point!!

Getting to the point

By Becky Beach

My 16 year old son, Archie, has a brilliant mind. It is crammed full of facts and information that ranges from dinosaurs to rock formation, and quotes from page 384 of Harry Potter’s Goblet of Fire to the version of Iron Man’s suit that featured in the Avengers’ film, Age of Ultron and how many frames per second the PS5 runs at and what sort of output monitor it therefore requires.

Whilst this may sound like the boast of a proud parent, it’s not meant to be; my meandering paragraph has a point which I will get to shortly.

Archie has Asperger’s Syndrome which is a form of autism usually characterised by difficulties in social interaction. As with any form of autism the effects are different for each person. I’m not going to give you a detailed list of Archie’s; I am however going to tell you about one of his traits as that will help me to get to the point I wish to make, and it’s this:

Archie doesn’t understand that other people may not have the same level of interest in the same subjects as him.

So, when Archie speaks to you about something, you get everything he knows about that subject. His inability to marshal his thoughts coupled with his intense need to impart all known facts means there is no brain-to-mouth filter function. Any adults meeting Archie for the first time are profoundly impressed with the level of detail and superior knowledge he has on the subject. Accordingly, they are generally more easy-going and give Archie room to carry on whilst simultaneously processing the information so that they can work out what &/or where the (one-sided) conversation is heading. Kids on the other hand give Archie a short shrift: “What are you talking about?” or “Get to the point”.

And getting to the point is the exactly point I want to make.

You can’t get to the point unless you are specific about what it is you want to achieve. The more specific you are about what you want to achieve the easier it will be to figure out how to arrive at that point.  

In business it’s the difference between:

“I want more clients” and “I want to grow from 2 clients a month to 5 clients a month”

Or

“I want to make more money” and “I want to increase my income by £1000 per month”

It’s a mindset that should also be applied to advertising and marketing strategies. People seeing your copy aren’t going to be as accommodating as adults are toward Archie; they are more likely to take the same approach as the kids i.e. “What are you talking about?” or “Get to the point”. Once you start being specific in your marketing materials you will give yourself a higher chance of converting readers into customers.

If you need some help in figuring out how to get to the point hit give Becky a call on 07976 869435 or email and let me show you how I can help.

 

 

 

5 Key Habits to a Happier Life

5 Key Habits to a Happier Life

5 Key Habits to a Happier Life

We all strive for happiness, often by looking for it in a wide variety of places, perceiving it as a state that we can arrive at. But happiness is a journey, not a destination. It is not a place that you can reach for good. The good news is that we can develop our own happiness plan, by consciously exercising some positive habits. So here they are, five, psychologically proven habits that will help you to live a happier and more fulfilled life:

1. Express Gratitude. Happiness really starts from counting your blessings. Psychological studies over the years have consistently shown that an ongoing practice of gratitude brings surprising life improvements. Yet, gratitude, just like any other skill requires practice. So, start consciously reminding yourself things that you can be grateful for; you may choose to write a gratitude journal or simply verbalise the feeling of gratitude on regular basis. 

2. Forgive. Being able to forgive and let go will empower you and it applies to both forgiving others as well as yourself. By doing so you will remove a heavy and a painful load off your back. Forgiveness, however difficult, will set you free so you can leave the trap of endless revenge and experience more joy and connection in your life.

3. Turn jealousy into motivation. The feeling of jealousy is often associated with negativity. However, if we chose to look at jealousy from another perspective, we can turn it into a healthy tool. When approached from a constructive way jealousy can help us to fulfill our wants, needs and goals. Move from a jealousy mode into a ‘student’ mode to be inspired and learn from the success of others. 

4. Smile more. Research shows that our emotions are reinforced by our responding facial expressions. In simple words, smiling more will make you feel happier. Recent study by University of Cardiff discovered that people who have botox injections are happier on average than people who can frown. Smiling is very powerful, it helps us create a much happier environment around us as people respond to it and gravitate towards happy, stimulating individuals.

5. Embrace your inner child and learn something new. Children are curious and always ready to learn something new. Try to let go of your inner perfectionist and embrace new skills. Remember, it’s ok not getting it right the first time around.

 

This article was reproduced with permission from Mary McIlroy. To see more articles by Mary please visit:

www.m-mcilroycounselling.co.uk

Sisterhood Circle

Sisterhood Circle

4-month Feminine Embodiment programme

  • learn to relate from your feminine power & live from your heart
  • enhance your vitality and sensuality
  • become more emotionally balanced & stable

What you will get:

  • Live online gatherings and sharing circles via Zoom*
  • Recorded teachings sent to you on the weeks we don’t meet
  • Embodied practices and guidance for home practice
  • Personal mentoring (during the live online gatherings)
  • A Private FB group for you to reach out, share your process to be seen and witnessed in your transformation and healing process & support one another

Zoom meetings: c 2hr; recorded in case you     can’t come live; held twice a month, Thursdays   at 7pm:

24 September,

8 & 22 October

5, 12, 26 November

10 December

7 & 28 January

Course value: £500

Payment options:

  • Early bird price of £290 until 31 August
  • 1st September onwards one-off payment in full £360
  • 4 payment instalments of £99

17 September 2020 is the last day to join!

To book your space email info@cranio-martha.at or call Martha on 07722 403863 to talk about what you are looking for.

It starts with you

It starts with you

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed I received a ‘phone call. From number 10 Downing Street.

“Hello,” I said, somewhat taken aback. “How can I help you?”

“Are you Dave Robson?” said a voice.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Are you THE Dave Robson?” the voice persisted?

“I’ve no idea,” I replied. “Is there more than one?”

“Are you Dave Robson the Life Coach who teaches meditation?”

“Is this a wind up?” I enquired.

“No no, not at all,” said the voice at the other end. “It’s just that with Boris just out of intensive care we need someone here who can help us lower the stress levels, ‘cos we’re almost at bursting point.”

“If you’re serious, I can do that but there’s one condition. You’ve got to send me the full PPE kit to wear when I travel up on the tube, and to wear when I’m at number 10. I know you lot aren’t observing the social distancing properly and I don’t want to catch anything.”

“No no, no need for that. We’ll send a car for you,” she said.

“Very nice of you, but I still want the protective gear,” I replied.

“OK, no problem. But how are you going to meditate when you’re wearing the full safety suit? You’ll find it hard enough just to sit down.”

“It will be difficult but we’ll find a way,” I replied.

“Your driver will be there within the hour,” she said, “and he’ll bring the protective suit with him.”

“Tell him to leave the gear outside the front door, ring the door bell and go back to his car. Then I’ll change into the suit in my house and come out to the car. And make sure he’s wearing the stuff too.”

“Hey, we’re the ones who make the rules,” she said.

And with that I put the ‘phone down and wondered if this was for real. Then I woke up…

A few minutes later, while I was shaving, showering and getting dressed in readiness for another day in splendid isolation, I couldn’t help thinking of a salutary story I heard once:

A man was in his house one day when the severe rains started and the ground around his house started to flood. Soon the water was up to his first floor windows and still rising, and in his effort to escape the flood water he climbed onto the roof and started praying to God to save his life.

And sure enough, God said to him, “don’t worry, I’ll look after you my son.”

After a while some men from the rescue services came paddling by in a rubber dinghy and offered to retrieve the man from his roof and take him to a place of safety, but he waved them on, saying, “no need to worry, God is looking after me.”

Shortly after that a rescue helicopter hovered above him, shouting that they’d rescue him, but again he waved them away, repeating, “no need to worry, God is looking after me.”

So the flood waters continued to rise and eventually the man was swept away and drowned. When he reached the pearly gates he bumped in God and said angrily, “What went wrong? You said you’d look after me?”

And God replied indignantly, “look, I sent you a dinghy, I sent you a helicopter, what more do you want…?????”

I have met so many people who believe that the Universe or existence or some supernatural force is looking out for them and keeping them safe and all they need to do is surrender and trust in some higher good. While that may or may not be true, it doesn’t work like that. You have to do your bit and be proactive.

Same with the dream. The Prime Minister’s office might send you a comfy car to insulate you from the world outside and its bugs, but it’s still down to you to take personal responsibility for your own safety, and that of others, and do what you know in your heart to be the right thing to do.

I don’t know if the staff at number 10 are aware of this, but meditation is a very powerful tool for reducing stress levels, so in case you’ve forgotten how to do it, I’ll make sure that’s the very next subject I write about.

Meanwhile, take the dog for a walk and have a nice day.

Dealing with conflicts

Christmas and New Year are supposed to be times of celebration but all too often, especially within families, it becomes a period of stress and conflict with arguments that can reverberate for a long time afterwards.

One of the traps many people fall into is blaming the other person. Blaming gets you nowhere because, more often than not, the person being blamed instinctively feels he or she is under attack and they become defensive. In most cases either they retire and hide away, or go into denial, or they become verbally or even physically aggressive. Either way, when someone becomes defensive it’s virtually impossible to get through to them, and both parties end up frustrated.

This is important because in order for two people to reconcile an argument, they need to be able to communicate heart to heart because, whether or not you realise it, both parties feel hurt, angry, or whatever. Unless you can both relate on a heart level, it becomes a battle of egos and the disagreement continues.

Another aspect of this same problem is the danger of getting into an intellectual argument. In such a case, the cleverer or more eloquent or more persuasive or more manipulative party always “wins.” But actually, neither party wins.

 I have a brilliant technique for effectively dealing with personal conflicts which almost always yields a win/ win solution. It’s called the broken record technique and it needs to be executed with sensitivity.

This is how it works: When someone close to you makes you feel angry or hurt by blaming or judging you for something you did or said, you simply say something like, “when you do that I feel really hurt (or angry or whatever).”

If the other person continues blaming and attacking you, you simply repeat, “yes, but when you do that I feel really hurt.”

This is very subtle. Firstly you are saying how you feel, and nobody can argue with that. If the other person says, “well you shouldn’t feel hurt,” you reply is, “but I do.” Eventually the other person will realise their blaming isn’t working and you are not feeling guilty, and in most cases they will become more conciliatory, because you have also given them a way of backing down gracefully, without losing face. So they might say, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

Now we are getting somewhere! You are also very careful not to throw any blame back on them. You are simply owning your own feelings and telling the other person, if you do this, my reaction is that. Once you have stated your truth, their reaction is up to them.

Of course some people don’t pick up your clues and carry on blaming regardless. In such a case you may have to acknowledge that no resolution is possible. But most important, you got it off your chest in a clean way and you have not been crushed!

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Who’s the boss, you or your mind?

Self-enquiry, or looking inside, is the way to discover your self-limiting beliefs, which are often unconscious. These are beliefs you have about yourself that limit you. Here’s another way of looking at this.

Suppose your goal is to become a champion tennis player. You might be making every effort to master your backhand, but if you are not getting results and you’re feeling frustrated, you may have a tape running continuously in your head saying, “I can’t do this,” or “I’m not good enough,” or some such. If you are not aware of these messages from yourself to yourself, you give them free reign to sabotage your efforts, leaving you wondering why.

The solution is to carefully control your dominant thoughts. Your mind is clever because it creates for you more of whatever your dominant thought is. Therefore you can benefit by implanting suitable dominant thoughts.

However, there are traps and pitfalls that can trip you up. Look at this: let’s say you believe you’re trying as hard as you can to add your backhand to your repertoire of winning shots. You believe you are focused on mastering that shot, and you believe that is entirely what you are thinking about.

Those who have developed a positive mindset probably are doing that, but people who struggle with self-doubt may not realise that their self-limiting belief is actually their dominant thought. If so, then your mind will create more difficulties for you and therefore more likelihood of failure.

It’s subtle and insidious and it will sabotage you every time. Try choosing more positive dominant thoughts like, “I’m certainly improving,” or, “look how easy this is when I practise more,” or best of all, “I love my backhand.” That way you avoid inventing more difficulties and instead start finding ways to navigate through the real, existing difficulties.

Even on days when I hate by backhand I tell myself I love it, and eventually I do.

Only by looking inside as a witness who sees without judgment can you become fully aware of what you are actually thinking. That’s the first step to rectifying the matter.

Once you can really see what’s going on inside you can consciously choose helpful dominant thoughts which will get you to where you want to go. It’s about controlling your mind so you can use it as your most powerful tool.

Surely, if I practise enough and really work at something without entertaining negative thoughts, then by definition I must improve.

You can use your mind to help you or you can let it hinder you. Who’s the boss? Are you in charge of your mind, or is it in charge of you? Your amazing mind is the most powerful tool you possess and you can benefit enormously from using it proactively.

Meditation is the most powerful tool you can adopt for searching the recesses of the most powerful tool you were born with, your mind. Meditation is free. It’s a gift. The Dalai Lama once said we should meditate for at least one hour a day, and if we believe we haven’t got time, then we should mediate for two hours a day!

~~~~~